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1.
laying on the kitchen floor asking for forgiveness hoping there is something more put faith in, become weightless its the things i never said that bring me down to turn away its the lives i've let on down that lead me ashtray I wanna get drunk don't wanna get drunk I wanna find love don't wanna find love how do i open up from here?
2.
i disappointed someone that i love god i hurt them bad i couldn't help myself i've been working towards being open and sharing my whole heart i'm just not there yet i'm not asking for everything at once i'm just wishing for a craftsman home somewhere we both love just you and your books you are the only one
3.
Dugout 01:54
i was a nervous driver rich kid, big home, loving father drink the poison tastes like almonds someday ill be a big kid and ill feel like a fish in water float downstream, burn all the corners race-car driver / selfish-lover rubber on my skin, on your skin sweat drips down your back and puddles slick to touch but tastes like summer lock my legs inside the holler someday ill come so hard that ill break someday ill come so hard that i break someday ill come so hard that i break my nails, my holy spirit kudzu-covered, strangled and bent fucking me inside the dugout sunflower seeds and some peeling paint
4.
Hideaway 02:27
black coffee reminds me of my grandma when the daylight darkened my skin fish swam by in the lake, brushed my ankles and the water made me clean again i'm hiding away with her in East Texas every summer i'm hiding away with her in East Texas every summer at camp grandma plate dinners on styrofoam fried catfish and hot white beans playing bingo at the community center with Betty Bopson and me feel like i'm back there all the time and i remember everything not much else for the rest of my childhood but i've been talking to my therapist about what that means i'm hiding out with her in East Texas every summer i'm hiding out with her in East Texas every summer at camp grandma at camp grandma at camp grandma at camp grandma
5.
Tell U What 01:45
ill tell u what i'm not doing too well cant fall asleep without a little NyQuil that or the TV on and the sounds of rainfall my daydreams haven't changed but i hardly feel the same picture myself one day don't know if ill get there ill tell u what i'm not doing too well when everdays another reminder snooze thru all my alarms and shake at the sound of thunder the grief it doesn't fade it just ebbs and flows and waits when i think i am ok thats when all the tears come i cry in my car every single day just wanna feel okay but i biked by your house without crying today
6.
Debutant 01:42
i'm Tennessee's favorite daughter my left sides darker like a trucker i see everything feel everything drowned the fire alarm in the sink Strawberry Wine on the stereo my wheels move thru time and i watch them go draw a lavender bath and ill just lay back i'm a debutant in the summer
7.
Parkway 03:02
lately i've been thinking i've been selfish i've been dumb i've made mistakes i've missed birthdays was i bad friend all along? wait wait on a good day but a good day just wont come you flew flew like lightning eyes closed down the parkway you said 'here i come' & 'don't pass me by' lately i've been thinking you pissed away so much fun you've missed drunk days the Tennessee way i just wish that you weren't gone so i lay lay in the bathtub think of your laugh and your dog i lie i snort / i fuck things with all this grief ive come undone wish i could ask you why
8.
if we grew up in a different time AMC Ramblers & Boones Farm Wine could this old flame reappear? from cold war fears so severe we embrace before its late but i just keep leading you on and i think til the words are all gone and when i look into those cavern eyes pray to god that i can memorize your face before its too late if i saw you in the communion line could we meet up in post absolution light? get drunk off all the altar wine you stay yours and ill stay mine i never pray until its too late but i just keep leading you on and i think til the words are all gone and when i look into those cavern eyes pray to god that i can memorize your face before its too late
9.
Riverboat 04:13
i don't wanna go to that dance u know i just wanna lie lie, read and mope and ill never be what your mom wants me to be i'm just a sad kid with a darkness about me im 17 and i'm dallas waiting for my phone to ring hoping somewhere somehow i feel light light as a feather light as a floodlight lighting up some dark cul-de-sac somewhere i don't wanna go on that riverboat i just wanna lie drink light beer and mope and ill never be what you want me to be i'm just a sad kid with a darkness about me im 25 and i'm in nashville waiting for my phone to ring hoping somehow somewhere i feel light light as a feather light as a floodlight lighting up some darkened cul-de-sac somewhere
10.
the times i took time to look and see whats all around me the air blew together and i pieced together again but things build on others i'm just another lost and worried man about you every now and then its not easy for me anymore its not easy for me i cant look in your eyes
11.
when i'm all forgotten and my grass stained jeans aren't my grass stained anymore i think that ill fall when i'm all forgotten and my internet search history's not my internet search history no more i spend all day staring at a screen
12.
River 03:45
I was tossed in the river before i drowned hoping something somewhere might be bring me back to dry ground were all so miserable but all hospitable i'm todays pain might be tomorrows back way out i was lost like a sinner before we were here swimming through these baptismal waters lost, i still have fears i miss your hair your distant eyes underwear down at your thighs yeah, you're prettier than me i lie myself silly somedays
13.
Savannah 02:27
you create a world where fidelity exists from your cold hands to your never forget me lips us, built up from one living room kiss in September when you left and left all this i will drive onto Savannah not stop til i'm with you in your apartment under fluorescents our lived led anew when i drive into Savannah with only you on my mind will you appear from the static? gorgeous and refined lost, left in a town stuck in the past these days constant highs, my red eyes wont being you back without you this all feels like mustard gas tonight the promises, phone calls, love notes will last i will drive onto Savannah not stop til i'm with you in your apartment under fluorescents our lived led anew when i drive into Savannah with only you on my mind will you appear from the static? gorgeous and refined
14.
somewhere far away somewhere where i can catch my breath i get so worked up lately i get worked up and i cant catch my breath but lord i've been trying real hard and he said 'ben, its just the way you are' i miss the way we looked when we were 17 i miss the way it took 2 drinks to feel like thats all i need i miss the way the floodlights lit up your backyard i miss the way that it felt just driving in your car somewhere far away somewhere where i can catch my breath the city takes my breath away it moves so fast and i cant catch my breath and lord i've been trying real hard he said 'ben, its just the way you are' lord i've been trying real hard i forget its just the way things are i like my life until i look at it under a lens then i feel bad again I miss the vodka in a gatorade bottle i miss sneaking out late before Easter Sunday

about

recorded in asheville, chatham, dallas, nashville & san francisco from Jan 2020 - Jan 2021

thankful to chris, christian, and sara for their contributions

album art by will fergusson

**no tape machines were harmed in the making of this despite how it may sound**

credits

released April 1, 2022

fiddle, BGVs - sara vail
drums + percussion - chris littlejohn
drums + percussion - christian baraks

mastering - edsel holden

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about

Bendrix Littleton Nashville, Tennessee

Bendrix Littleton is the writing and recording project of Dallas musician / producer Bennett Littlejohn.

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